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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me