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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.