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I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
why me is me ?
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.