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Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
gua suka sama kamu