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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
only 9530 days until retirement.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...