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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?