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If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.