Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
Mondays are middle finger approved
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards