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That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!