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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.