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Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!