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Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.