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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
The word bed looks like a bed.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
My house has really let itself go.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.