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I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Siri, where are my pants?
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.