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I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"