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I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!