Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Life is fun! You should get one.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.