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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
This status is mine....I licked it.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.