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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.