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I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.