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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!