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Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
wants to rock and roll all night
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.