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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I look so young for my rage.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative