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I wonder if angry people know about naps?
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Word for the day is asstard
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.