Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.