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why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?