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The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
facebooked yo mama!!!
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.