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I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but Iām the only one that matters.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.