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Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.