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I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.