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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.