Daily Silly Status

I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.

I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.

Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?

If you don`t boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?

Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.

I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’

If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.

Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.

Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."

Siri, where are my pants?

Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.

The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.

Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?

I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.

Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.