Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.