Daily Silly Status

I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.

I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.

"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever

Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!

Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.

You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........

There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.

Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.

I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.

if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.

Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.

Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.

I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.

I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.