Daily Silly Status

I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.

Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.

I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?

I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.

Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.

When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.

My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!

Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.

Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.

I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.

If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.

LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.