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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like Iām choking it to death.
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store