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Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!