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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
I canΒ΄t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
Donβt get me started. I donβt come with brakes.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isnβt doing his part of the chores around here.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.