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Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
I liked you better before we met.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.