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I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.