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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
why me is me ?
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.