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Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.