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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.