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I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.