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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you