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Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.