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French people give me the crepes.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.