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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
A wise man, will often say nothing
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.