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Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.