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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
This day needs more tomfoolery!
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever