Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty