Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.