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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!