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When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
I always advise people never to give advice.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.