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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
awesome collection!
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.