Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.