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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.