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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.