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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"