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Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance