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My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.