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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
How do I tell a man he loves me?
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...