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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Vodka is just amazing water.
From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did