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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
Iām moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!