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I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
There`s no WE in pizza.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.