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Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.