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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.