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Iām trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.